


where the heart is

by Anonymous



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Transfer Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 06:00:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11753526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Totally self-indulgent pile of feels about Neymar leaving Barcelona.





	where the heart is

_I can't imagine leaving. I feel at home and I am very happy._

It was true when he said it. He thinks maybe people get that. Less than a year ago he couldn't imagine leaving, couldn't imagine taking his family anywhere else. He'd meant it with all his heart.

It's harder to explain that it's still true now.

Barcelona is still home. Will always be home, like São Paulo will always be home. Home is a complicated thing—hard to leave behind, no matter how far away you move, what new lives you build.

Barcelona had become home in all the ways that mattered. He'd given it everything. Had shed blood, sweat and tears for Camp Nou, for the club, for Catalunya. Had built a family around his family, with Leo and Geri and Dani and Rafa and all the others.

Leaving _hurt_. Still hurts. He hopes—he hopes people get that too. He can't even find the words to describe how much Barcelona has meant to him, although he tried, for his fans, for his club, for all of them. It took him three hours to write them down, and even longer to record them.

He hasn't looked at the responses. Doesn't need to read what he knows so many are saying.

_Liar. Traitor. Mercenary._

That hurts, too.

There's a part of him that's angry. _Four years_ , he wants to yell at them—did they mean nothing?

There's a bigger part of him that gets it. _Més que un club_ —and it really is, to so many.

He doesn't know how to explain that he had to leave. That it felt right, even as it felt wrong. That he looks at Barcelona, at the club, the people there he loves—and can see exactly where that path leads.

He can see it because he's been there already. Been there for the trophies, the treble, the exhilaration of winning. Been there for the heartbreak of losing, cried himself hoarse in their arms. And he'd do it all again in a heartbeat. There's a part of him that would do it forever, if he could.

But there's another part of him that wonders: What else?

He's played with the best in the world, and loved every second of it. But a part of him wonders: What would he be without them?

Funny how a thought like that sticks. Grows. Until it's all you can think about.

Until it's tearing you in two: Your home, your family on one side, and that gnawing desire to grow, to _become_ , on the other.

Maybe this is what they call ambition.

 _Be brave_ , Dani told him, and a big part of him didn't want to be. Wanted to stay in Barcelona, where he knew he could play forever and be happy, home, loved. Paris is foreign, unfamiliar, uncertain. He looks out at the city, and has no idea what comes next.

Part of him is terrified. Part of him still wants to go back, undo it all, beg forgiveness and go home.

 _Be brave_.

He's chosen his path. Time to find out where it leads.

**Author's Note:**

> First line paraphrased from [the interview Neymar gave in September 2016](http://www.sport-english.com/en/news/barca/neymar-spoke-other-teams-but-happy-at-barcelona-psg-5381300) after deciding to stay at Barcelona  
> [Neymar's goodbye message](https://www.instagram.com/p/BXWBWH0DZoj/?taken-by=neymarjr)  
> [Posters around Barcelona called Neymar a traitor and a mercenary](http://www.goal.com/en-sg/news/posters-in-barcelona-condemn-traitor-neymar-ahead-of-psg/1kqbjzy0i2yjx1jxllavx71804)  
> [Dani Alves told neymar to "be brave" and join PSG](https://www.fourfourtwo.com/us/news/dani-alves-urges-neymar-be-brave-joining-psg)  
> [Neymar says he moved to PSG because of "ambition" for a "bigger challenge" and that it was one of the most difficult decisions he has ever made](http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/transfer-news/neymar-admits-difficult-leave-barcelona-10929051)


End file.
